That's A Wrap - Living Life Large!

As we all process what we would like to achieve and gain in this journey called life, it is essential that we stop and take stock honestly of where we have been, where the road turned and caused us to miss an important step and what prevents us from finding that still small space within us where we can reorient, revive and refresh our spirits.

You may be surprised to learn you have somehow surrounded yourself with a partner, spouse or friend who is too needy or controlling to allow you this rightful space to regenerate.

If this is the case, you will note that they are the ones requiring all of these things most of the time. There is simply never time for you. You cannot continue a successful journey without removing this roadblock from your path.

That is dangerous. This kind of thinking enslaves us to someone else's dream which may become your nightmare.

Uncontrolled emotions are also dangerous; yours or theirs.

You exist in the vehicle you chose to travel across the great river of life in. You are in a leaky boat for the journey if your emotions control you. There is a time for emotions; it is not decision time about people, places or important things.

This is vitally important to the success of your journey. Uncontrolled emotions, or leaky containers, account for the constant loss of jobs, homes, relationships and all the things that are a part of our everyday life. It is that important to gain control and then think with your head only from that time forward. You feel with your heart after the decision making is completed.

Spend some quiet time alone getting comfortable in your own skin. Learn to love the person you are, as you are. You are a perfect image created in God's likeness. Does this necessarily mean He looks like you? More likely, he is a part of you that cannot be separated. When you weep, He weeps. He is the expression of the very best that you can be, the highest level of mastery you can attain in your lifetime, all expressed in and through you! No wonder you're a miracle; that is heady stuff.

Embrace your mistakes; they are the best evidence of higher learning in your personal history book. Acknowledge them, claim them and own the lessons you gained from them.

Lose your fear; our Creator did not instill this in us. It is the tool of evil doers who seek to enslave you to their misery.

Dare to have faith and dare to dream big.

Don't limit your good by assuming that you have to know how to reach your goal. Just set it and let your much more powerful subconscious mind tend to the how part of it. If you are not bound to the how of it, you are free to reach much higher in personal fulfillment and joy in this journey.

Vow to never allow the pursuit of material things to enslave you to a place of existence that does not truly being you joy. Spiritual journeys are often derailed by the pursuit of material things. Put them in proper perspective.

Breathe deeply' say thank you many times a day to the universe and to your Creator for the multitude of blessings we take for granted.

Become a seasoned traveler; recognize the signs, stop for small pleasures, leave a light footprint and embrace all the joy you can hold; then spread it around.

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 07:08

Continue Reading

The Exception to the Rule

I have discovered a phenomenon that I call the "Exception to the Rule Syndrome". It happens when we accept a stereotype and then meet someone who does not fit that stereotype.

A good friend of mine from my days in pest control befriended me on Face-Book. We had never discussed politics or religion so I think it surprised him to find out I am politically conservative and a devout Christian, just as I was surprised to find out he is a far left progressive who left the Catholic church years ago. When I respectfully disagreed with one of the President's policies on his time line I received several hateful responses from his progressive friends calling me a Nazi and a racist, among other things. He defended me stating he knows personally and that I am a good guy and not a racist (like all of the other conservatives). I then became the exception to the rule even though I have a multitude of conservative friends on and off Face-Book not one of whom is a racist, even the Tea Party Patriots. Those progressives would rather continue in their prejudice against all conservatives than to admit that most of us are not racist even though we do disagree with the policies our current President, regardless of his race.

On the other hand, conservatives tend to think all liberals are "baby killers" because or their support for abortion up to and during birth. When they encounter a liberal who thinks abortion should be limited to early in the first trimester except when the mother's life is at risk, they automatically categorize them as an exception rather than accept that many, if not most, liberals oppose late term or partial birth abortions for a reason other than to save the mother's life.

I first encountered the exception syndrome when I was a pest management trainer and I was asked to fill in for a sick technician in the far northwest suburbs of Chicago. The area was new to me but I was happy help. One commercial customer on that route was a tavern in a small town. I introduced myself and began to perform the service. They had Oprah on TV and the customers and bar owner were making derogatory comments. I had never heard the "N" word used that often or that vehemently even growing up in the fifties and sixties in southern Indiana. Knowing that the regular technician was black, I wondered how in the world he could put up with such a hostile environment. In between expletives the owner pointed out where Willie usually treats and reminded me to go down in the cellar like Willie always does. As the owner was signing my service ticket he asked if Willie would be back next month and I told him that he should be. He was very pleased and couldn't stop praising Willie and his good work. Even one of the customers chimed in, "He is a good guy." That technician was obviously the only black person with whom they had personal contact. As they got to know him they saw he didn't fit their racial stereotype. Rather than set aside their prejudice they simply decided he must be an "exception to the rule".

In recent years our society has become more and more divided along religious, political, racial and ethnic lines. We tend to segregate ourselves with those with whom we feel comfortable and relate. The less contact we have with people of different backgrounds and beliefs, the easier it is for us accept the stereotypes. The solution to this syndrome is simple. We must integrate ourselves back into society and interact with everyone with whom we come into contact with the assumption that most people are good, honest folks who are just trying to do what is right for themselves and their families, just as we are. We will run into an occasional idiot or fool, but the more people we get to know the more we will realize that we have a lot more in common than we thought. We all want a better society in which to live and raise a family, but it will only happen if we join together to make it a reality. It won't happen as long as we continue to hurl insults at each other across the chasms that currently divide us.

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 03:32

Continue Reading

A Hole in My Heart

Heart sayings:

~take a comment to heart

~feeling a heart connection

~a bleeding heart

~a heart-to-heart

~after my own heart

~absence makes the heart grow fonder

~have a change of heart

~eat your heart out

~a heart of stone; a heart of gold

~coming from the heart

These words don't refer to the heart physiologically, they refer to it in an emotional state which can illustrate our strong relationship between mind and body. While many in the medical community may not put a lot of stock in the strong connection between the physical and emotional, there are lots of metaphysical followers, including me, who do. It is a growing trend to accept just how much our thoughts and emotions significantly affect our physical beings.

Whenever I have a problem, a situation that is causing me grief, I take it to heart. What I do literally is sit in silence, as in meditation, and think of something positive, something that brings me joy. Usually I think about my cat, Kali. When I am feeling love and joy for her, I visualize the heart in my chest begin to open and expand. This hole that begins to widen in my heart contains that love and joy I am feeling. When I'm all comfy with this joy, I take that problem situation or person and plunk it right down in the middle of that hole in my heart. My problem becomes all enveloped in that joy and love. But how does that help me?

With the problem resting in my heart, I begin to see it as an extension of myself, and then I am able to focus on creating compassion for the problem or person. Sometimes I am able to see and understand the reason for whatever happened even if it's some not-so-great behavior on their part. I'm able to objectively see their reasoning even if it resulted in hurting me. I still don't have to be thrilled about it but I quit being upset and traumatized. The second thing that happens is that I am able to get space from the issue... it's put into perspective and that usually lessens its importance in my full and wonderful life. Nothing has happened to change the facts, but I'm calmer and happier. What's better than that?

My heart, not my brain, has created the resolution to my problem. My heart is the brain of my well-being. It's a powerful organ, not just for the love that is created by it and radiated from it but for its ability to 'solve' my problems. I can honestly say I have never 'solved' problems more effectively. Give it a try.

On Valentine's Day, when you look around and see this symbol of love everywhere, begin to think of your heart as a more powerful tool. The event I've shared is just one tiny example of our hearts being at the core of how we think and feel. All the love and positive feelings created by my heart spread throughout my being, and I am made better for it.

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 23:57

Continue Reading

Coping With Grief: Healing Through the Sorrow

Grief is the human response to loss and the suffering you feel when you have lost something,or someone, you love. Lost can mean death, as well as simply gone from your life. The more you loved the person or thing that was been taken from you, the greater your grief will be. The most common action associated with grief is the loss of a loved one, but many other things in our lives can cause us to suffer including, relationships, things we take for granted, such as a job or our home, or a dream. It could be caused by a miscarriage, a divorce, or a separation. It could be caused by someone you love being diagnosed with a terminal illness, or the loss of a good friend. Additionally, grief can occur where you wouldn't normally think it would, such as when a pet dies, retirement occurs, your homestead sells, or you move away from home.

It is important to understand that everybody grieves differently. Some things that come into play with how a person grieves are your life experiences, how you were raised, your faith, and your personality. Likewise, there is no "official" time limit on grieving. Some people start to feel better in a few weeks, while others take years to get over a life-changing occurrence. Healing is gradual and is not something that can be controlled or turned off and on, or especially, rushed. It is essential to be patient and allow the grieving process to occur naturally.

Many people tend to believe certain myths about grieving. For instance, some think if you try to ignore your emotional pain, it will eventually go away. That perception can be more harmful than helpful. It's important to deal with your grief by facing it and working through it. Another perception is that you should be strong and face your loss without tears or outward sorrow; this is especially true with men. Feeling sad or afraid is normal. Crying doesn't show weakness; rather, it shows you are a real, caring person. There is no need to put on a brave front. Showing your emotions can help you, and others who are grieving as well, to cope with your loss together. The most popular myth is that grieving lasts about a year. No doubt, you've heard people say that a surviving spouse should not sell anything or do anything out of their normal routine for "a year". The fact is, people grieve differently, and only the person grieving knows when they are ready to move forward.

Grief can take on many forms and many processes when caused by life changes, the death of a loved one, or a breakup of what you thought was a good relationship. Someone who is grieving will likely go through the phases of denial, anger, negotiating, pleading, depression, and finally, acceptance. And many times, just when you think you are ready to accept what has happened, you will revert back to anger or denial or some other stage in the process. There is no right way to go through the stages of grief and healing. It can be best described as a roller coaster ride with highs and lows, ups and downs. As difficult as it may be, all of this is normal.

Although loss affects different people in dramatically different ways, there are common reactions to grief. When you are first informed of a loss, it is normal to feel like you are going to faint, or having a bad dream, that you're going crazy, or you're not able to breathe. Another common reaction is the tendency to question one's religious beliefs. Right after a loss, it is normal to be in shock and to not believe what has happened. You may feel numb or even choose to deny the truth.

Intense sadness is another symptom of grief. You may feel empty or lonely; you might cry unexpectedly, at any given moment, causing you to feel emotionally unstable. You may feel guilty about things you did or did not say or do for the person you lost. You may also feel guilty for being relieved, such as if your pet dies after a long illness, or a friend passes who was suffering from a terminal disease. You may feel blame and be resentful. You may blame yourself for not doing enough for a dying loved one, with God, with the doctors for not saving your loved one, or even with the person who died for leaving you. You may feel afraid or helpless. There are also physical symptoms, such as nausea, fatigue, weight loss, and insomnia.

So, what are the strategies for coping with grief? The most important thing is that you get support from other people. Express yourself and share your feelings. Whether your support comes from family members, friends, neighbors, clergy, or your counselor, accept their help and support. Connecting with other people will help you to heal. Draw strength from your faith. Join a support group. Get in touch with a mental health professional, a therapist, or a grief counselor if you are feeling overwhelmed with your grief. A professional can help you cope and work through your grief.

Be sure to take care of yourself, physically. When you feel good physically, you will also feel good emotionally. Try to beat additional stress by getting enough sleep every night, eating right, and exercising. Never use drugs or alcohol to numb your pain. And it is very important to not let anybody tell you how to feel. Again, everyone grieves differently, so one person cannot tell another person how to cope with grief. Be prepared for things to happen that will remind you of the person or thing you lost. Holidays and birthdays can be especially difficult. Hearing a certain song that was important to you and your lost loved one can trigger emotions.

The sadness of losing a loved one may never go away completely, but it should not be the center of your life forever. If grief causes you to not resume your life as you led it before the loss, you may be clinically depressed. If your life feels meaningless or empty, you are extremely bitter over your loss, you avoid things that remind you of your loved one, you feel hopeless or worthless, you are unable to function at home or work, or you have thoughts of suicide, seek professional help. Let the counselors at Orange County Relationship Center help you heal.

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 19:47

Continue Reading

Should You Stay or Go?

So, you have been in a committed relationship for many years, you're bored and have considered ending the relationship and moving on with your life. When determining whether to stay or go, you really need to ask yourself several things before pulling the plug. Why did you enter into the relationship in the first place? Are you looking for love? Do you need financial security? Is your goal to raise a family together? Is your relationship more of a partnership? Do you stay because being with your partner is familiar? Do you think you don't deserve better? None of these reasons are wrong, but if you are considering leaving the relationship, it's important to know why you're there in the first place.

Remember, all relationships hit rough spots; some can be fixed and some cannot. Life is full of choices. We can decide where to live, where to work, and who to marry. So, just as we can move if we don't like where we live, or changes job if we don't like where we work, is it just as simple to change who we love if we feel we have chosen incorrectly? Well, actually, it is easy to get out of a marriage; probably too easy.

People who suddenly become unhappy with their spouses or partners nearly always start thinking about how much happier they would be if they were with someone else. Is the grass always greener on the other side? Definitely not. Would the grass be greener if I married my high school sweetheart? Definitely not. Would the grass appear to be greener with somebody else right now since I don't feel particularly happy with my current partner? Absolutely. Should I go? No one can make that decision for us and before you do, here are a few things to keep in mind.

You made a commitment and (if you are married) took a vow to remain with your spouse forever.Finding someone else may make the grass appear to be greener on the other side because of the hormones felt during the beginning of an attraction. Remember, those feelings are more lust than love.Every relationship has problems and issues that need to, and usually can, be worked through.

Consider that basically, there are only a few types of problems. You need to know the type of problem you are having and whether you can work through it (or if you're willing to work through it). There are one-time problems that are easily solved; cyclical problems that will never go away, such as emotional needs; deal-breaker issues when one partner can't live with something; and wounding problems that will cause one partner to disengage over time.

If your relationship is fairly new, you are probably still in the lusting stage. If things have already gone awry so early in the relationship, you should probably go. You haven't even hit the "love" stage yet and if there are already problems in the "lust" stage, this relationship may not be meant for the long term. If you have moved in with your partner, you may be noticing traits you've never seen before. Maybe your significant other talks down to you and treats you like a child. Maybe there is always an argument about every little decision, such as the color of curtains or the type of dish detergent you use.

There are a lot of things you may not know about your partner until you move forward, in time, with your relationship. However, it's good to know these things before you commit to a long-term relationship. Being attracted to somebody, physically, is a different ball game than committing to them for life, especially if you find they are picky, selfish, and have no respect or regard for you and your preferences. Small issues can be resolved with improved communication skills; however, it is foolish to think you can change somebody's core beliefs and values. Never stay with somebody if you only have great sexual chemistry and nothing else. Sexual chemistry is a good thing; however, if you cannot trust this person as well, how will your future be down the road several years from now?

Consider the following things before making your decision to stay or to go.

Do you and your partner communicate to resolve conflicts, or do you just ignore disagreements?Think about the consequences that come with ending your relationship. If your partner has ever told you, "Don't even think about leaving me," or anything similar to that, plan your exit before telling your partner you are leaving.Imagine your life without your partner. Does that give you a sense of relief or a sense of sadness?Have you remained true to yourself or have you given up everything you possibly could give up to keep your partner happy without receiving anything from your partner that you need?

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 15:43

Continue Reading

Is She Mrs Right?

 

For centuries now, or at least for as long as tabloids have been in existence, a copious amount of pages have been dedicated to the failed romances of celebrity couples. Some married for years, some for months and some for only days. This poses a scary question: if famous people can't choose a spouse, how on earth are we expected to?

It is of primary importance when planning how to propose that you don't go beyond your means when choosing a ring, but also that the woman you are proposing to is the right one for you. There is nothing worse than dragging yourself through proposal ideas, intricate wedding plans, flower arrangement selections and table centre pieces, only to end up divorced a few years down the line. In fact, it may surprise you to know that the divorce rates for first marriages is 50%, rising to 67% for second marriages and those who believe in the 'third time lucky' mantra get divorced an average of 74%. So how do you ensure you don't end up wifeless and divorced? Well, you follow our checklist, of course, and as we all know, there is nothing in life that cannot be determined through a 'tongue in cheek' list.

First on the list is: Does History repeat itself?

We have all done things we regret, maybe in our youth or that night we were particularly inebriated at the office party, but it is important not to simply gloss over chapters in your partner's previous life that cause you concern. You shouldn't judge a person on their past; however, it is important to assess what it is that bothers you and decide whether your marriage could survive a similar scenario in the future. In this case, it is best to remember that old habits die hard, so you need to really decide whether you can deal with these habits in the long-term or whether the behaviours have been left in that particular period.

Second for your consideration is: Is it here and now, but not later?

This section is really asking you to consider whether she has the qualities of a lifelong mate, or whether you are being dazzled by the way her skirt swishes? Certain qualities that you love in your partner may be temporary; that is, that they dampen or fade away with age. Examples of such temporary qualities would include that you love how she wants to go out all night dancing (she will not want to do this in her 70s as slippers and arthritis do not lend themselves to R'n'B music) or how she always ensures she's got something new to show off in the bedroom. At the other side of the spectrum is where the qualities such as caring, honesty, and faithfulness sit. It is important to project all qualities into the future and think, will this die out or will I be able to handle her love of vodka when we're 50?

The third question you should ask yourself is: Are you infatuated by the can do's and the will do's?

We all have big plans for the future: some of us want to become the CEO of law firms, some want to become bestselling authors, and some, well, some just never grow out of wanting to become astronauts. There isn't anything wrong with dreaming big, but it is important to realise that dreams do not always come true. Will you be just as appreciative of your partner if she doesn't turn out to be the next super model? It is important to ground yourself when deciding on your life partner; you need to marry her as the person who stands in front of you and not the high-flying fashion editor that she could be. Admire the passion, because that is a life quality, but don't attach yourself to a future that may not come to fruition.

Lastly but some may say most importantly: Is there enough sizzle?

It is all very well to be realistic and grounded about the future. However, primarily, if there is no spark before you embark on your life journey together, then the likelihood is it won't work. That is, of course, unless you have resigned yourself to a mediocre marriage. It is easy to forget the matters of the heart when deciding whether and how to propose and instead get caught up only in the practical details. The 'spark' obviously depends on the relationship's specifics: a couple who have been together for seven years before getting engaged are not going to have the same spark as a couple who have been together nine months. However, those primal urges should still crop up at least every now and again, as the psychologist Lombardo explained: "Great sex won't make problems go away, but it can really cushion your relationship during the inevitable tough times."

View the original article here

By: Kingsley Ukpabi On 11:18

Continue Reading