I have discovered a phenomenon that I call the "Exception to the Rule Syndrome". It happens when we accept a stereotype and then meet someone who does not fit that stereotype.
A good friend of mine from my days in pest control befriended me on Face-Book. We had never discussed politics or religion so I think it surprised him to find out I am politically conservative and a devout Christian, just as I was surprised to find out he is a far left progressive who left the Catholic church years ago. When I respectfully disagreed with one of the President's policies on his time line I received several hateful responses from his progressive friends calling me a Nazi and a racist, among other things. He defended me stating he knows personally and that I am a good guy and not a racist (like all of the other conservatives). I then became the exception to the rule even though I have a multitude of conservative friends on and off Face-Book not one of whom is a racist, even the Tea Party Patriots. Those progressives would rather continue in their prejudice against all conservatives than to admit that most of us are not racist even though we do disagree with the policies our current President, regardless of his race.
On the other hand, conservatives tend to think all liberals are "baby killers" because or their support for abortion up to and during birth. When they encounter a liberal who thinks abortion should be limited to early in the first trimester except when the mother's life is at risk, they automatically categorize them as an exception rather than accept that many, if not most, liberals oppose late term or partial birth abortions for a reason other than to save the mother's life.
I first encountered the exception syndrome when I was a pest management trainer and I was asked to fill in for a sick technician in the far northwest suburbs of Chicago. The area was new to me but I was happy help. One commercial customer on that route was a tavern in a small town. I introduced myself and began to perform the service. They had Oprah on TV and the customers and bar owner were making derogatory comments. I had never heard the "N" word used that often or that vehemently even growing up in the fifties and sixties in southern Indiana. Knowing that the regular technician was black, I wondered how in the world he could put up with such a hostile environment. In between expletives the owner pointed out where Willie usually treats and reminded me to go down in the cellar like Willie always does. As the owner was signing my service ticket he asked if Willie would be back next month and I told him that he should be. He was very pleased and couldn't stop praising Willie and his good work. Even one of the customers chimed in, "He is a good guy." That technician was obviously the only black person with whom they had personal contact. As they got to know him they saw he didn't fit their racial stereotype. Rather than set aside their prejudice they simply decided he must be an "exception to the rule".
In recent years our society has become more and more divided along religious, political, racial and ethnic lines. We tend to segregate ourselves with those with whom we feel comfortable and relate. The less contact we have with people of different backgrounds and beliefs, the easier it is for us accept the stereotypes. The solution to this syndrome is simple. We must integrate ourselves back into society and interact with everyone with whom we come into contact with the assumption that most people are good, honest folks who are just trying to do what is right for themselves and their families, just as we are. We will run into an occasional idiot or fool, but the more people we get to know the more we will realize that we have a lot more in common than we thought. We all want a better society in which to live and raise a family, but it will only happen if we join together to make it a reality. It won't happen as long as we continue to hurl insults at each other across the chasms that currently divide us.
Written by Kingsley Ukpabi
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